by JENNIFER GOODSON, MA, LMHC
Have you ever heard the phrases “man up,” “stay strong,” or “don’t let them see you cry”?
May is the month we recognize mental health, which most of the time we overlook in the conversation surrounding mental health within the emotional well-being of men. Awareness has grown in many areas; generations of men were often taught to suppress emotion rather than process it. The messages that have been deeply ingrained in the mind of the man can either be positive or negative, shaping who they become and how they learn to navigate life.
For many, emotional silence became a survival strategy. Young boys were taught to work hard, provide for, and protect. And let’s not forget to persevere and stand strong. Yet few were taught how to openly process their emotions, such as grief, fear, or disappointment. So, when stress enters their world from work, relationships, or parenting, the ability to navigate emotional pain in healthy ways is unclear. Because men don’t know how to experience emotion, and many don’t ever feel they have been given permission to express it.
What remains unspoken emotionally finds its way to the surface, pushing through the seams of mental, physical, or relational issues.
In counseling, emotional suppression frequently reveals itself through areas of chronic stress, irritability, anger, numbness or indifference, anxiety, and exhaustion. Even to the point where sleep is disturbed, and physical health begins to show concerns. Some men may experience a sense of disconnection from themselves and others without fully realizing it. Disconnection happens in the silence. Others may remain in constant survival mode, carrying internal pressure while seemingly functioning externally.
A man’s appearance and posture convey responsibility and productivity, someone who is dependable and strong. Internally, however, many are overwhelmed, emotionally exhausted, and find themselves isolated.
The body often carries what the mind tries to silence.
Chronic emotional stress does not simply disappear because it goes unspoken. The nervous system absorbs it. Relationships will feel it, and families will experience the void. Emotional disconnection can create distance within romantic relationships, friendships, and parenting, even to the point of challenging one’s sense of identity. Many men will struggle silently, believing that they must carry the weight of all these responsibilities alone.
Unfortunately, these patterns are often generational. Some men grew up watching fathers or grandfathers who rarely expressed their vulnerability. And then previous generations often carried immense responsibilities while lacking emotional support, not able to bear the emotional language that would create safe spaces for loved ones. This would mean that emotional suppression became an inherited behavior rather than an intentional act of harm. We do not know what we do not know. And we portray behavior that’s been modeled for us generation after generation.
Here’s the good news: Cycles can change. A healthier generation that becomes emotionally aware will no longer view the expression of emotion as a weakness. True strength is not the absence of emotion, it is the willingness to face it honestly. Emotional health and resilience are not opposites.
Courage is the ability to seek support, maintain self-awareness, and develop healthy communication.
The men in our lives deserve spaces where they can speak freely without shame, judgment, or the fear of appearing weak. Mental health conversations must continue to move beyond the generational stereotypes of what a man is supposed to be, and create a space for honesty, healing, and connection.
Healing happens through awareness and healthy relationships. It also happens through learning to identify emotions rather than suppressing them.
Recognizing the deep connection between mental, physical, and emotional health will unveil the true heart of a man.
Aligning the body, mind, and spirit sets balance in the present, forges the way for the past to heal, and brings hope for the future.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Jennifer Goodson, MA, LMHC, is a licensed mental health counselor with an office in Winter Haven, FL, a Professor of Psychology at Warner University in Lake Wales, FL, and a TEDx speaker and keynote speaker. She holds a Master of Arts in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Regent University in Virginia Beach, Virginia. For more information, visit www.jennifergoodson.com.