by JENNIFER GOODSON, MA, LMHC
We all have felt rejection at some point in our lives, and if not, well, we are not being very truthful now, are we?
Rejection is that feeling we get when we are faced with a prospect of promise or chance of hope, but then, out of nowhere, an unforeseen response of denial is presented instead.
Our reaction at that moment will establish how we develop into who we are.
Rejection vs. Acceptance
Our perceptions make us who we are, while at the same time, our perceptions are made by who we have been. How we view ourselves affects how we view others and our surroundings in past, present, and future occurrences. Continuing to live our lives believing a false truth about who we are and believing lies about what others think about us leads to various paths.
Rejection builds habits in many ways for individuals (drugs, alcohol, sex, overeating, gossip, or gaming). The most common is approval addiction. Driven to fill the void for approval, the word “yes” has no limits. One constantly seeks approval from others in how they dress, the number of friends on their friend list, the number of likes or comments on a status, how many selfie shots can be taken and posted because the last one was not good enough, etc. The list is endless and goes beyond the norm.
Speculation, assumption, and comparison are costly elements that weigh down the foundation of relationships. These three can be damaging factors and are eventually the leading killers of an individual and most relationships. It is important to note that speculation, assumption, and comparison are all rooted in fear. The fear is based on the rejection received many times.
When people are immersed in the seas of rejection, they tend to shy away from indulging in new relationships and isolate themselves from attending parties, fellowships, or get-togethers. It is much easier for them to be by themselves than to risk the hurt of being denied or reminded of who they are and who they wish to be.
This puts them in a cell of self-imprisonment where they cannot find out who they are, enjoy life, or know faithful love. This is the power rejection can have over someone. Fears, insecurities, and mistrust can cause one to believe they are unlovable or accepted. Those who have a hard time with rejection have a hard time accepting who they are. They do not think they are worthy of love or that they are good enough for love.
All reasonable, solid relationships are built on love and acceptance, not fear. Fear creates a banquet for rejection and mistrust. Many who seek acceptance will find a place to serve in excess or look to make another person happy in excess. This means they will overindulge and perform to fill that void. Many who seek acceptance do not administer boundaries in their lives, nor do they know what healthy boundaries look like. The word “no” seems foreign or sinful.
Power Over Rejection Knows:
Love and acceptance are not based on:
- Our performance
- Our appearance
- Our level of education
How do we not go back to where we were?
How do we not go back into a dark place of rejection, to that place of approval addiction?
How do we not go back into that place of fear?
1. Realize that rejection is seeded from an original thought of a lie that one is not good enough, valued, or good enough for someone or something. When someone has been rejected many times, they base most of their present and future experiences on past rejection scenarios.
2. Stop the mind from repeating the thought process. Learn to retrain the thought processes. Learn to take your thoughts captive and align them with truth. Make this a daily practice.
3. Speak these to yourself daily: You are loved = You are accepted = Just as you are
4. Receive Love
Sometimes, we have a hard time receiving something that is so freely given. It’s time to accept a blessing of love when it stares you right in the face.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Jennifer Goodson, MA, LMHC, is a licensed clinical mental health counselor who is trained in EMDR trauma therapy with an office in Winter Haven, FL. She holds a Master of Arts in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Regent University in Virginia Beach, Virginia. For more information, visit www.pathwaycounselingservice.com.