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CFHN | 7 
R 
ecently, 
I 
was 
speaking 
with 
my 
second- and third-year students about 
the importance of developing healthy 
boundaries. This conversation felt especially 
relevant for the season they are in, learning 
how to “adult,” gaining independence, and 
forming their identity apart from their parents.
Many shared a common struggle. They try to 
please their parents to avoid conflict or dis-
appointment. At the same time, they want to 
choose careers that align with their passions, 
convictions, and purpose. That tension be-
tween honoring others and honoring your-
self is where boundaries become essential.
Boundaries are not barriers. They are bridges 
to healthy relationships. They define where 
one person ends and another begins. With-
out them, it becomes easy to lose yourself 
in the expectations and pressures of others. 
Over time, that leads to resentment, confu-
sion, and burnout.
As I shared with my students, when my hus-
band and I raised our children, our goal was 
not to create copies of ourselves. We wanted 
to raise individuals. Our role was to build a 
foundation of values, character, and a mor-
al compass, while recognizing each child is 
uniquely wired with their own path in life.
We could give them tools and guidance, but 
we could not live their lives for them.
Healthy parenting requires releasing control. 
It means trusting what was planted will grow. 
It means allowing space for growth, mis-
takes, and self-discovery. When it is time to 
launch, the goal is not to stay tethered, but 
to soar and land grounded in who they are.
The core message I shared was this: Loving 
your parents does not require losing yourself.
People pleasing may keep the peace in the 
moment, but it often costs you your identity. 
When you silence your voice to meet expec-
tations, you slowly disconnect from who you 
were created to be.
This shows up clearly in career choices. If 
you feel constantly drained, misaligned, or 
like you are performing instead of living, you 
may be pursuing something out of obligation 
rather than calling.
When you are aligned with who you are, your 
work feels like an extension of you. It will not 
always be easy, but it will feel meaningful. 
The energy you give will not feel forced. It 
will flow.
There is peace in living in alignment. Choos-
ing a path that reflects your values, supports 
your future, and allows you to give back in a 
genuine way. That peace is not found in ap-
proval. It is found in authenticity.
Learning to set boundaries is not about re-
jecting others. It is about respecting your-
self. And in doing so, you create space for 
healthier relationships, clearer direction, and 
a stronger sense of identity.
Because success is not just about what you 
achieve. It is about who you become. HN
BODY, MIND & SPIRIT
When Pleasing 
Others Costs You 
Yourself
by JENNIFER GOODSON, MA, LMHC
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Jennifer Goodson, MA, LMHC, is a licensed mental health counselor at Pathway Counseling Services in Winter Haven, Fla. She is a professor of Psychology at Warner University and a TEDx and 
keynote speaker. She earned her Master of Arts in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Regent University. Learn more at www.jennifergoodson.com.

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